Neeraj Saxena
What... I was actually asleep? So, this was not real! Once again, I was going through a dream, but this one wasn't quite a dream. It was a nightmare. Papa and mummy had visited me in what seemed a prolonged dream. But all was not well as both were ill and it seemed life-threatening. So hospital bed it was.
The dream wasn’t surreal; it scared me how will I manage to look after both at the same time. And for some reason, I was alone... with little support from the rest of the family. But wait, was it not something I had been mentally prepared for!
May be in real life, but not in dreams, or shall I say nightmares! It also seemed as if I had been to the same hospitals at least once before. And perhaps that was scaring me the most even as the nurses and a handful of junior doctors - who would almost always ask the most inane questions thus making my spine shiver - started coming to the room where my mom was. So very close to life's reality.
The dream was at the same time presenting me with the classic dilemma that I always dreaded, and one which had been real but only for a very small period of time, no more than a week. And that time, the whole family had taken good care of parents. This was when mom had actually undergone a major intestinal operation a few years ago, while papa was already on dialysis.
I was shaken by the dream that I woke up in cold sweat. It is five am. Today is Janmashtmi, the first without mom, and also first without both of them. Though mom used to fast on almost every Hindu festival, this day was among the most special ones. She would open the fast past midnight after Kanhayya would come home. I imagine telling her: “Yes mom, I know what to do.”
I started writing this, ignoring something urging me inside: don't share, don't publish your dreams. Ignoring it, I go ahead. As I type with one finger on the laptop's keyboard while still lying down, I am suddenly hit by hiccups. Strange... who would want to remember me at this hour? I help myself to some water, but the hiccups continue... No answers coming!
I remember weird dreams I have been having sometimes. Then I remember both my parents. Ah, I should have sensed this earlier. Who else would remember me at that hour? Hiccups have slowed down, but are continuing.
Earlier yesterday, I had gone visiting some place in my dreams. There, I stood by a window and noticed a gang of tigers roaming right outside under the mango trees. The sight thrilled me. Not one, not two, but an entire herd as if they were prancing horses. Hold on, wasn't this surreal because tigers never roam about freely in a group that large... But then, I was inside, safe, and mesmerized by the sight!
A few moments later, I was out trying to close perhaps a backdoor, and found myself surrounded by at least two to three tigers which seemed to be threatening to feast on me. Before that could happen I had woken up in fear. I guess I had saved myself thus from being devoured alive.
But hack, what is this thing about random thoughts, or is somebody trying to tell me something, as has been the case sometimes? May be, I am just not equipped to decode yet. What if this was not in the past, but in future?
Damn, the hiccups haven't settled yet! Let me go, grab some more water…
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